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| Coming June 1, 2014! |
I’ve heard people who dwell in close-knit communities or are members of a group of like-minded thinkers enjoy longevity and experience more satisfaction in life. Intrigued, I investigated on the Internet, but came up empty, although WebMd.com states that people who attend church live longer. Finally, I contacted a librarian, who sent several articles. According to an in-depth study, what researchers label social capital (personal relationships and interaction) is more valuable than gold. Marriage reigns at the pinnacle of perceived happiness, then good health, and employment. But social capital is king.
My town, Seattle, is apparently the least churched city in America, and there are more dogs than children. I don’t doubt it. This region is the opposite of an Amish community. Amish life centers around following the teachings of the Bible, and child-rearing and families. One room school houses dot the landscape rather than retirement homes.
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| Folks in Seattle love their dogs! |
Childrearing in Amish families, where both parents often work at home, is radically different than career-oriented families whose young children spend their days in daycare. Amish are more likely to marry and live in large households. Many homes include a Daadi Haus, a smaller structure attached to the main house for the grandparents.
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| Lancaster County, PA Farm |
In Amish communities, extended family members might live across the road or on the next field. I told my husband last week I would not be opposed to having his mother move into a Daadi Haus if our house were configured that way. In the past, when our kids were young, we would’ve had built in babysitters, and now that my mother-in-law is older, we would be close-by to care for her. Fortunately, we get along beautifully.
But what if we didn’t? Imagine, a lifetime living in proximity with a relative who rubbed you the wrong way. How would you manage? Grin and bear it? Learn tolerance? For the most part, aren’t we all a little too independent these days? Or does absence indeed make the heart grow fonder?
Leave an email address with your comment to enter to win a copy of either Leaving Lancaster or Pennsylvania Patchwork. Winner has one week to respond. USA or Canada.
Congratulations to Rita M., last week’s winner of the darling towel and a copy of either Leaving Lancaster or Pennsylvania Patchwork! Thanks to everyone who left a comment!
Some of my family would be great to live close to…others not so much. Thanks for the chance to win a book.
Isn’t that always the way, Kimber? Thanks for writing!
OOPS, for got my email…
Some of my family would be great to live close to…others not so much. Thanks for the chance to win…
quiltenbea@yahoo.com
Thank you! Good luck in the contest!
I lived for a short while with my in law’s many years ago . I was very young and didn’t like it at the time. Since I’m a lot older I’m thinking it was a blessing . I learned so much from my mother-in-law.. Faye Simer xstitchgranny2000@yahoo.com
What a lovely tribute to your mother-in-law, and to you too, Faye. The truth is, we will not always have our in-laws around, our personal historians and teachers. Thanks for entering the book giveaway! Good luck!
firegirl_240@yahoo.com In my opinion you would have the best of both worlds so to speak you would have the people you love the most getting on your nerves. But you know you could not imagination life without them. Whom know how best to get on your nerves the best? The people you love the most the know you the best as you know them the best. As in my family. My son says it best we are so much a like be cause we love one another so much. Thank you for the chance to win
You are so right, Gail! And so is your son. What a wonderful relationship you two must have. Thanks for writing and entering the book giveaway!
I never met my mother in law because she had passed away when me and my hubby married. I loved my father in law though and it would not have bothered me for him to live in a daddi haus or however you spell it. 🙂 I’d also like to have my family close by but i also like my private time. So I’d adjust to whatever I had to do. Sharma Darby
Thanks for writing, Sharma! I can imagine adjustments would be needed to maintain sanity. Not every meal is eaten together, and I’m sure that gives both children and grandparents some privacy. As for the spelling of Daadi Haus, I asked the author of the Pennsylvania German Dictionary, who has become a friend. But I notice Penn Dutch words are spelled differently by various authors and I can’t imagine it’s any problem.
foust@iendeavor.com I would like to live closer to my children, but at this point in our lives not with them. I appreciate “alone” time.
Thanks for entering the book giveaway! Many of my friends’ parents and kids live clear on the other side of the country. I would not like that. But sometimes parents have no choice over where their children choose to live. When my parents were alive, I visited and spoke to them often. Miss those days!
I guess it’s all what you’re use to or how you were raised.Being Italian, the most important thing is family. You take the good & the bad
Rita Meeker
PS Can’t wait for your new book !
I didn’t know you were Italian, Rita! I studied Italian in college, and on and off over the years. I love the country and culture. Thanks for writing and giving me encouragement with Forever Amish, releasing June 1, 2014!
I think it would be a wonderful thing. There is nothing better than family and having them close. Just think of all the wonderful memories that you would have and things you could learn from the older generation. I would be all for it.
I agree with you, Rob! We can learn so much from older generations. My father moved us out west so he could teach at the U of W. As a young adult, I drove across country twice to live with my grandma in CT, but then I missed my parents too much. I had to be content with visiting CT once a year.
We live near my sister and brother in law. We get along great. My husband loves my family very much and they love him. My parents are close by, too
I would love the opportunity to win one of your books.
Thank you
Cathy Cermele
cathycermele@gmail.com
Sounds like a marvelous situation, Cathy! There are few things better than familial harmony. Thanks for entering the giveaway! Good luck!
I had the blessing of having wonderful in laws . I was close to my father in law but he passed away many years ago. My mother in law came to live with us even though she had 6 other children (all Grown) She stayed with us till she remarried again. Had my dear mom in law with us till 2011 when she died 25 hours before my own mom. We miss her……I was lucky in 38 years of marriage I never had in law problems . What a blessing Victoria concepcion vcprincess@comcast.net
A blessing, indeed! It is so refreshing to hear about these close and loving relationships with parents and in-laws. I was also blessed with fabulous parents and my husband’s father was the dearest of men. His mother is my good friend, and the woman to whom I dedicated Pennsylvania Patchwork. Thanks for entering the giveaway and good luck!
I couldn’t live with my mother in the same house, but one added on to ours would be good. My mother-in-law didn’t like me, so that would have been a lot harder. I like living close to relatives, but not on top of one another.
Thank you for the giveaway.
susanmsj at msn dot com
A small house added on to the larger main house is such an ingenious option for older parents, Susan. Sorry to hear about your mother-in-law. I am always amazed when someone doesn’t like me, but it happens. If I’ve done my best, then I figure the other person has some kind of a problem. Sometimes, even when my heart isn’t in it, I pray for them, that they will be blessed and find comfort. Thanks for entering the contest!
I’d love to be living nearby them..It would be a please to be able to help them as well as being there for me for comfort
Kathy Milburn
bearangel0@yahoo.com
Thanks for writing, Kathy! if you’re like me, you make good use of the telephone. But there’s nothing like a real hug. Good luck in the contest
I don’t have any in-laws anymore but I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have been able to live with my mother-in-law when she was alive.
Thanks Kate for the opportunity to win one of your books!
lorrainealx@hotmail.com
Thanks for entering the book giveaway, Lorraine! Sounds like there’s a story there … Good luck in the contest!
Worked for thousands of years. Not sure why it wouldn’t work now. Are we more selfish than other societies? Just asking.
Good question, Judy! Most of us in this country are more than spoiled compared to the rest of the world. I know several people who’ve lost their homes and were forced to move back in with their parents. Sometimes it’s their only option and the family members make the most of it.
I think that being close to family is important and adds to the quality and quantity of life. I prefer a close family and less hectic area to live would love to have a place in the country to grow old in
I agree, Debbie. My life would be empty without my family. I live in a hectic city, but my neighborhood is quiet. Still, no horses or cows … And I’d love an acre of land. Oh, dear, are we ever content?
Yes, I could live this way….they had their own “spaces” to retreat to when they wanted to, and they enjoyed helping each other out…. My Gram lived with us for a while when growing up and I treasure those memories. My oldest bro has his MIL in an attached area of his house….they do very well that way! Family is too strung out…the older generation has so much to offer us!
How wonderful to have your grandma living with you when you were growing up! Your brother sounds great! The older generation does have much to offer us. Several of my friends would be considered old. With their age and life experiences comes wisdom they share with me. Thanks for writing!
I think as a society in general we have become very self centered . Yes it can be difficult to live with relatives, but older generations have so much to contribute especially to younger children. A Daddi haus is an excellent way to let family stay together so I greatly admire how the Amish respect their elders what a Blessing .
As a senior I do not want to impose on my family when the time comes but if I could live near them and know I am there because I am wanted I think we would all be blessed as we learn to live with the flaws we all have. Also we all have to remember one day we will be that senior who needs someone.
mcnuttjem0(at)gmail(dot)com
I also admire how the Amish respect their elders, Jackie! And yes, I agree that we are for the most part self-centered. At least I know I am. Thanks for entering the book giveaway. Good luck!
I think that you can’t say across the board that living with in laws works for everyone and that it should be the norm otherwise it’s being “selfish.” I love my mother in law but wouldn’t be able to live with her not because I’m selfish but because I think a little space and boundaries are healthy for families especially marriages. Thanks for the opportunity! ljgarrity80 at gmail dot com
Thanks for writing, Lisa! Every instance is different and that’s not being selfish. In a large Amish family, the parents might choose to live with one of eight of their children. Most often, those parents have given that child (usually the youngest son) their house and farm. Not such a bad trade-off. Thanks for entering the book giveaway!
I would love to have had a dawdi house for the grandparents to live in. I think closeknit families are able to help each other more. My mom-in-law lived right beside us from 2005 til her death in 2011. I loved her and did much to care for her….took dinner to her almost every day. I spent her last three months staying in hospital/rehab almost 24/7 with short breaks. Rhonda rhonda_nash_hall@comcast.net
How wonderful that you were so close, Rhonda! I wish my mother-in-law lived right next door. You sound like a near-perfect daughter-in-law. Thanks for writing and entering the contest!
I have often thought after reading one of my amish stories that living as they do would be wonderful, I like the closeness they share.
Paula O(kyflo130@yahoo.com)
Thanks for writing! I like the closeness they share too! Good luck in the book giveaway!
I think sometimes it would be hard to have family toooo close, but definitely close enough that you can visit when you want to or need to, and that is how my family is, close but not tooo close! I love it but you still have time to be yourself and make other friends, too. Sonja dot Nishimoto at gmail dot com
Love your insightful thoughts, Kate!
Sounds perfect, Sonja! Thanks for writing and thank you for your words of encouragement. Good luck in the book giveaway!
I don’t think I would have a problem living as the Amish do with family all close or under the same roof. Our family is a very close knit bunch that get together all of the time. I would love to win your books. Donna d[dot]brookmyer[at]yahoo[dot]com
Sounds like you have a marvelous family, Donna! Good luck in the book giveaway. I’d love you to win one of my books too!
Sounds like it could be tough
bn100candg at hotmail dot com
Yes, I imagine sometimes it would be tough. Thanks for writing and entering the book giveaway. Good luck!
I would love it…and as long as you can get away for alone time…it’d be all good. vrush729@aol.com
Your comment tells me you’d be easy to get along with, Virginia! Alone time would be important. A walk, working in the garden, reading, quilting, or whatever a person finds interesting and soothing. Although, I recall when my sons were young and my husband was out of town, sometimes alone time was not an option. Good luck in the contest!
Would love to win Pennsylvania Patchwork Ida Payton. idapayton87@icloud.com
You are entered in the contest, Ida! Good luck!
When my hubby and I moved to Seattle from the Midwest, we were shocked in many ways. The most obvious was how people reacted to our children. They were ignored. It was SO different, especially when I noticed how much attention people got when they had a dog. I actually blogged on “Why I had Kids Not Dogs.” I do love the idea of living close to family, but I have to be honest, I’d rather live with MY parents than my husbands! 🙂
You’re right about owning a dog in the NW. I’m a dog lover, but I’m amazed how many people bring their pooches to shopping centers and parks. I must say, walking dogs is a great way to meet neighbors. So are kids! We had so many youngsters in our neighborhood when our sons were growing up, we felt we knew people on every street. As that generation of kids has moved away, I’ve enjoyed meeting new ones. How cute they are! I read your fun blog post!
My mother-in-law would have made a good neighbor in a Daadi Haus. And, I could have learned a lot from her. I would love to win your book for my Church or community Library. Maxie mac262(at)me(dot)com
Thanks for writing, Maxie! I speak to my mother-in-law almost every day on the phone and wish she lived next-door. Good luck in the contest!
I think at this stage of life, it would be difficult living together, but I sure do miss all of them. Rachel rlepree@musfiber.com
Isn’t that the truth, Rachel? I miss both my parents. There isn’t a day I don’t think about and miss them. Good luck in the book giveaway!
I do have family that it would be hard to get used to living close by again, BUT I think it is an awesome idea. I think families living close by to each other is the way to go.
Debbie Rhoades
ReadingMama922@gmail.com
Living close by certainly does have its advantages, Debbie. I feel sorry for my friends who live so very far away from their aged parents, on the other side of the continent. Thanks for entering the giveaway. Good luck!
I think living in a tight knot community with or close to your in- laws would greatly depend on the relationship that you have with them or the family. But I believe it would have many advantages for the children. Think about all the family traditions that would be learn and continued from all the closeness.
I agree, Darlene. The children would benefit greatly if the in-laws were “good” ones. Thanks for writing!
I had the pleassure of caring for my mom in law in my home for 3 yrs before her passing and live with my husbands cousin now so I know it can be a.blessing. plz enter me for book.swaltonmama42@hotmail.com
You are living proof, Sandy, and you sound like a dear person! Thanks for entering the contest. Good luck!
It would be a complicated relationship, being raised English and taught to leave the nest and to go off on our own as adults. As I have gotten older I can see taking care of the elderly and it being a great learning experience as well as having family around to help with the young children and as the elderly grow older the kinner can help with the elderly needs too. Lucy Nix
lucynix@ellijay.com
Yes, in our society we are taught to be independent, Lucy. Perhaps a little bit too much. And I enjoy people of all ages! Thanks for your wise comment and for entering the book giveaway!
I think the Amish lifestyle helps families learn tolerance – just because we find someone difficult to get along with doesn’t mean we should just ignore them. Having families live and depend on each other throughout their lives helps children learn how to get along with others
True, Kim, the Amish lifestyle would help children learn tolerance and how to get along with others. Thanks for writing!
My childhood was spent visiting cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents! Then there were friends we called aunt and uncle even though they weren’t. Every one lived within a 25 mile radius, probably even less than that. We always had some place to go. I do really miss those days!
Kathy Faberge
Sounds like a wonderful childhood, Kathy! Thanks for sharing it with me!
I would love to live closer to my children and grandchildren. They are 700 miles away and it would be so nice to see them grow up. I think it would help out with child care, which in this day and age costs an arm and a leg.
Tonda
TMarcum3@hotmail.com
Thanks for writing, Tonda! 700 miles is a long way. I’m sure you’d be a wonderful gift to your grandkids. Good luck in the book giveaway!
We lived in Stone Mountain, GA on North Hairston Rd with five houses in a row of family members. It was a wonderful childhood, I wish my children could have enjoyed having the closeness I had. I got off the bus at my Grandmothers and stayed with her until my parents got home. My dad loved his mother-in-law and father-in-law, my Grandparents. My parents. as long as they lived were crazy about my husband, I would laugh…..and say they loved him more. We enjoyed years of vacations together with them, that’s how much we enjoyed being with them. My husband’s dad was very special and I was close to him. I never knew my husband mom she passed away when he was 13 so I missed out. But, my husband always would say, this is my mother-in-love Rachel and father-in-love Claude Glaze. He meant every word. Both of our parents are now with Jesus, but we hold dear to our hearts those days and look forward to seeing them again soon!
What a splendid scene you’ve painted for me, Becky. Five houses and vacations together. A marvelous family and your husband sounds great. Memories to cherish and a future to look forward to.